no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
