whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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