The maid of honor just puked.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
