Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
they need to just BURY HIM!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
