i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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