Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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