I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
