Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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