It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
