You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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