I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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