If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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