We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
