My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
