I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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