the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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