Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
