I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
