I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
