It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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