ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
