I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
