We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Randomize
