My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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