like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
