Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
