But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
soo... how was my night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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