also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
