like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
