You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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