do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
