This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
