I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
His nipple licking is glorious
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