Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we're chasing vodka with high fives
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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