My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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