His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
