You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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