Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
