Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
