she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
40s are totally the cure
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
