You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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