dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Even my vagina gasped.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
