So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
