Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
