I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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