So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im holly from the hills drunk
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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