He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
