Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
