There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
