Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
