I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
