Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
