I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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