Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
