Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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