i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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