at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
