i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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