you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize