Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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