The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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