Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm bleeding and have questions
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
