what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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