I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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