pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
