Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Randomize
