What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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