getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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