I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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