and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
