I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
