sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
