You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
