I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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