he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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