Im at strip club and am horny
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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