It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize