I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize