I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
