yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
