??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Panties = found
I did not marry a roomba.
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