"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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